Feeling good yeah.

Spent the whole day reorganising an entire section of the store. By myself. It felt fucking great when I finished!

Twat.

When the baguette is that close to your mouth WHY IS IT CLOSED AND WHY YOU ARE LOOKING COMPLETELY THE WRONG WAY?

I bet you listen to Feeder too, don't you? 'Cos it's all ironic like, but you actually also like them.

500mhz CPU, 64mb RAM and Win 95, probably.

The till computer just can't keep up with me! We use a touchscreen monitor and almost everytime I try logging in I am forced to do it three or four times because I keep getting "incorrect staff id" or "incorrect password". IT WOULDN'T BE INCORRECT IF YOU WEREN'T SO SLOW, stupid computer. I bet they haven't changed the damn things since 1604.

More pointless products.

Books of crossword lists. Essentially they are like a thesaurus but are indexed in a crossword-friendly manner, and include phrases as well. Now my question is: WHY? What is the point in doing a crossword if you are just getting all the answers from a book?

Precariously poised...

I wear one of those skater clasp belts. Next to the till is a device that keeps notes safe, and it sticks out a little further than the till itself. On more than one occasion I have caught the clasp on this thing, making the belt loosen and my trousers prepare for rapid descent. Thus I am forced to stand in a very awkward position, with my legs spread and without moving WHILST AT THE SAME TIME SERVING so that they don't crumple to the floor in an embarrasing heap.

Hand dryer madness.

The male staff toilet is a very narrow room with a very awkwardly placed hand dryer. It is on the wall to the left of the toilet itself, almost directly above. Because it is an automatic one it is a common occurence to accidentally set it off with an elbow or stray piece of clothing. It is LOUD, made louder by the acoustics of a small but tall bathroom, and therefore really goddamn annoying.

I'll fucking show you stars.

A middle aged woman politely enquires about publications by a certain local chef, and when I searched the system it tells me that we don't currently have any in stock. Upon telling her this she responds with, "That's poor. He's a local Michellin starred chef!" in a very patronising tone.

Despite explaining that we have actually stocked his books in the past, and the floor manager saying that his books are actually quite hard to obtain, she still insisted in her condescending tone that we really ought to have his stuff in stock. I ask if she wants me to check the store just down the road but she walks off without even acknowledging the question. What a meanie. :*(

Day something or other. New title format incoming.

Working here has made me really hate some of the ridiculous books that get published, like all the ridiculous books of "facts" and "amazing trivia!". And all those books that contain lists of "rare" or "unusual" words. There's like 15 different ones sitting on the shelves. How many do you need? SERIOUSLY! Especially with the internet and...*drums*...dictionaries.

One of these books is actually written as this guy's journal of "discoveries" as he reads his way through a dictionary, as if it were too difficult for any normal person to explore themselves. How fucking redundant is that?

Day 30

"It's upstairs, on the first floor."

"Do I have to walk up?"

"No. Don't be silly! We'll ring for a taxi to pick you up outside the door there and have it drive you around the building and drop you off outside the door upstairs. We'll even pay for it. Thank you for your custom."

Day 29

1) Horrible hangover and nausea
2) No time for breakfast
3) Far too many customers for ten in the morning
4) Massive customer order
5) The breaks are....sooooo....far............away...........
6) No time to sit at lunch
7) Nowhere sells apple lucozade :(

Day 27

Nothing to see here. Move along.

Ho ho, not really.

In fact I was shocked to find myself not doing much but laughing at this for sporadic parts of the day.

Day 26

I think spending all day under halogen lighting is doing funny things to my eye sight.

Shit.

Day 25

There's no need to use the inability of companies to produce Mac-compatible goods as a chance to vent your anger regarding your son's choice to buy an expensive Mac rather than an expensive PC. You're just embarrasing yourself, and it won't in any way strengthen the relationship between you and him ok?

Day 24

Why ever bother having late night shopping this early in the year? The store was open for an extra hour (in itself seemingly pointless) and we had all of one paying customer. Was it really worth all that extra electricity? The only possible answer to that question is, of course...no...

Day 23

Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack. Check offers, sticker up, stack.

Day 22

Is it really so hard to put items back where you found them? If you don't want something don't just leave it on the nearest surface for fuck's sake, take it back to the shelf you got it from and re-place it! Or if you are really, really lazy give it to one of us staff type. Just be sensible goddamnit, because it is really fucking annoying!

Day 21

Dude, it doesn't matter how subtle you are trying to be whilst checking that girl out, it's still really bloody obvious you know.

Day 20

Please stop crying.

Day 19

Everyone is coming down with some horribly debilitating disease. I really hope I don't catch it!

Day 18

This is a shop and, like most other shops, it (unfortunately) functions on the basic consumer principle of purchasing goods with money. This money can take many forms such as metal coins, cotton notes or a plastic card. If you are particularly lucky you might have a voucher or gift card. Whatever medium you chose to pay in though HAVE IT READY WHEN YOU GET TO THE TILL FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Is it so hard to make a guesstimation of how much your purchase might come to and then get out some funds in preparation? Waiting until you are told the price before even beginning to root around in your purse for the money is just ridiculous; not only is it annoying to me but it is annoying to the customers behind you too. And I say purse because 99% of these cases are indeed female - why?!

Day 17

Why oh why oh why would anyone go all the way to the other end of the queue barrier when there is a huge fucking sign right there, look, there, in front of you, and it says QUEUE HERE PLEASE not GO TO THE OTHER END OF THIS BARRIER THEN TURN BACK ON YOURSELF TOWARD THE TILL. PLEASE.

Day 16

Three times I was reading a book when I should have been serving customers. This was very rude and unprofessional of me. I am sorry. :(

Day 15

Nothing. Not a single thing to bitch about today. Wow!

Day 14

HEY BITCH, JUST BECAUSE IT SAYS 3 FOR 2 DOESN'T MEAN YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO GET 3 SO STOP WITH THE GRUMPS OK?

Day 13

Dictionaries. You'd think their function was pretty obvious - to help people understand the meaning of a word - so maybe you need a couple of different versions to cater for different needs. A large shelf-type affair and a pocket one that is handy for quick reminders or to carry with you. I am pretty sure it is not necessary to have over 15 different dictionaries all concurrently in print and available just from the OED alone. What is the difference between the "Oxford Pocket Dictionary" and the "Oxford Dictionary, pocket sized!"? What the fuck?

Day 12

It doesn't matter how many times you tell me that you had rung the store this morning and reserved two tickets with that grumpy attitude of yours, that won't make the whole process any faster I'm afraid. When our computers are powered by bad attitude and frustration rather than crappy processors from 1965, 2x16mb RAM, 14.4kbps dial up modems and an achey-breaky printer that nobody can print from I will let you know since I have your number now. You can't even reserve bloody event tickets you idiot.

Day 11

It seems a father manage to misplace a child somewhere in the store, so his solution was to shout the child's name as loudly as possible. It wouldn't have been very helpful because I couldn't even understand what he was actually saying. When the child was finally recovered, the first thing his father says to him is "I'm going to kill you." If that is so then why not just let him be lost? It'd save on cleaning bills and criminal charges. Silly man.

Day 10

He gives me the item really sloooowly, and when I tell him the price he gives me the money really sloooowly. So I give him his change and the bag with his purchase in really quickly, and the look in his eyes is beset with a surprise that seems to have truly shaken him at his core.

Thank you, please come again.

Day 9

There is at least 2 customers per day who, when asking them if they have a store card, say they do somewhere but what does it look like? A perfectly alright question if there wasn't three MASSIVE pictures of the card behind the tills. Are you fucking blind?

Day 8

How can so many people walk in the door and not notice the stairs when it's RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM AS THEY ENTER? Seriously!

Day 7

If you knew so much information about the items you must have known the price, so why make me go through the process of checking availability for each one before saying that they would be too expensive for you? It wasn't even that expensive!

Day 6

I rushed to work through the pissing rain because I thought I would be late. On arrival I discover that I am not supposed to be working today anyway. What a gimp.

Day 5

Today there was a family buying items and they were ugly. Like, really ugly. I wouldn't bother mentioning it if they were just mildly ugly but they were incredibly so. And there was six of them, males and females of all ages, and they all looked exactly the same as one another - exactly the same ugliness. Scary!

Day 4

Regional manager called asking for the branch manager and, not knowing where he was I asked someone else. At this moment there was a sudden burst of busy and hoping to get quickly back to serving I said that we couldn't find the branch manager but we'll get him to call you back and hung up. Apparently she was rather miffed.

Day 3

I ask a man, roughly late 50s and with belly, if he needs help because he is milling around looking at books. He tells me no thanks, just browsing, already bought something downstairs and is keeping out of the rain. Ok. Unsure of what to say I reply with rather a tongue in cheek how grateful we are that he bought it and then he says that I should be because his purchase is paying my wages. God, what a twat.